I heard we made out
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
