In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
