That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
