so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize