Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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