just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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