My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
