I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
