just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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