im holly from the hills drunk
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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