Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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