the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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