I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
