today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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