a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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