i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
