Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
