How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
