good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
