I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
