I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
