I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
