11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
