Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
