Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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