when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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