Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
