Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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