so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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