He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
as a side note pls kill me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
