...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
