I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
