It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
