Ambien. No doubt about it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize