i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
