There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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