I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
