Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
