okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My penis needs a shock collar
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
