bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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