I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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