If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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