My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
