Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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