You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
