her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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