Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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