I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
