He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
