Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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