The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
