Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
