The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize