So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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