just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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