highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize