She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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