I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize