so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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