A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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