two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize