quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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