You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
