I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
