Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
