You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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