Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
