So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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