Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
