I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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